I went to my car, put the windscreen wipers down (believe me, these hallucinations look and feel like real objects), and opened the car door. I was so relieved when my car didn't blow up and kill me!
After I went home again, for the next couple of days, I became really withdrawn, didn't talk to anyone, slacked off in the hygiene department, and I really wanted to end my life then. The fear of killing myself was getting smaller and smaller. Around this time, my mother wanted me to go to the hospital to get help. I refused. So on the second night, I suddenly felt like I was in the movie "The Truman Show". I also felt like I was in the movie "Groundhog Day". On this night, I thought that the microwave and alarm clock were still tracking me, so I turned them off and changed the times on them. My mother woke up then, and I then repeated a line out of the Truman movie. This was too weird for me, so the next morning I decided to go to the hospital.
This is quite funny - because I did not know what day it was, I assumed it was a Sunday. On the way to the hospital, I saw a whole bunch of council workers. I remembered that these (exact) workers were in a park where I was just the other day. I thought that the council workers knew I was going to hospital and so they set up their work on my path to the hospital. I assumed that today was a Sunday, and I said to myself that council workers don't work on a Sunday (it was actually a Monday I found out later)! I will briefly describe what happened next because I am quite sick of telling this part - and it should be in the MSN Convo section. One thing I didn't mention there was that when I got to the hospital, there would be hundreds of people in the press and uni students wanting to see me kill myself outside the psychiatric ward. However to my disappoint, noone turned up!
Ok - basically, I went into the normal hospital and waited an hour to get seen by some doctors. I got impatient, walked out, and make it to the nearest bridge about 500m away before I got a free cop car ride back to the hospital (and no, surprisingly I had no intentions of jumping off - I just wanted to walk home which was a good 12km away, and today was a public holiday - ps. my mum rang the cops up). As soon as I got out of the cop car, I threw a childish hissy fit tantrum, then the security guards and cops grabbed me and what a pleasant surprise - I got seen by a doctor straightaway! Wow! Then again, after making a scene and watching all the hospital staff and other people staring at me, they had better get someone to see me. Anyway, I kept trying to run out of the room, so the guards kept grabbing me, then they decided to handcuff me. I then obliged to take some Valium, and then I got super drowsy, and then I was wheelchaired into the psychiatric ward. The first w! ard section I went in was quite strange. I felt like it was some kind of setup against me - I thought that the other patient who had a big stitched cut on her neck and the nurses were actors. In every room, I thought that the game was that every time I behaved, I would advance to the next room. In one room I (saw) a urine sample on the bed. Anyway, after a while, all I did was just look at the fire alarm - and suddenly it went off!
