Join the Discussion I was assaulted at my own house by a friend that I have known for years. The assault left me to the point I could not sleep, eat, change my clothes, talk to friends or even answer the door. After about 3 full days of this, I left my city and stayed with a close friend in hiding. Reactions to Assault

Related Resources • Grief and Mourning • Aging Resources

From Other Guides • Death and Dying at About

A new study of older adults (average age 62) found that loss of a loved one results in increased use of health services.  Bereaved subjects who relied on religion to cope "generally used outpatient medical services less frequently" than those who did not rely on religious coping, according to Holly Prigerson and Michelle Pearce of Yale University.

The authors interviewed 265 bereaved persons and followed-up 164 of these subjects four months later.  One third of the original sample were classified as "religious copers" based on their self-report.  Religious copers in this sample reported more functional disabilities at the beginning of the study, yet they were just as healthy as other subjects after four months. 

"Despite the expectation that health would decline given the documented health risks associated with bereavement, bereaved individuals who relied more heavily on religion to cope with their loss did not experience a significant increase in health problems," according to Prigerson and Pearce.  

While these findings are intriguing, I don't recommend that you "get religion" in order to cope with the death of a loved one.  Some people even find it difficult to believe in God or a Higher Power following the death of a loved one.  The following principles may help you work your way through grief:

• Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions.  It's okay to cry, and "holding it together" for the benefit of others is not particularly healthy.
• Take care of yourself.  Take some time off work if you need to.  Be sure to eat a healthy diet and to get enough sleep.
• Allow your loved-one's life to have meaning.  Take some aspect of their life and make it a part of your own. 
• Don't expect to "get over it" immediately.  You may feel sadness, anger, detachment, and other emotions.
• The ultimate goal is to "let go" and get on with your life.  This does not mean that you ever forget this person, but that you move into a different type of relationship with them.  They are an important part of your past, but your energy is invested primarily in the present and the future.