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How To Be Assertive

From About.com

Updated: June 14, 2003

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In most situations we have the choice to be passive, assertive, or aggressive.  Being assertive is often the best choice.
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: varies

Here's How:

  1. Preface remarks with "Do you have a minute for us to discuss something?"
  2. Express your wants, ideas or feelings directly. The goal is to communicate.
  3. Express your self in the first person, using the word "I" rather than "you."
  4. Be tactful, express emotion verbally, not just nonverbally.
  5. Respect the other person, but clearly state your case. 
  6. Accept responsibility for your emotions rather than blaming others.
  7. Give the other person a chance to respond.
  8. Leave the door open for future communication.

Tips:

  1. Being passive allows frustration to build as your needs don't get met. Conflict is avoided but problems build.
  2. When confronting say "When you do ___ I feel ____."  This elicits less defensiveness.
  3. Deal with situations as they arise unless you need to cool down before discussing things.
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