If you've ever been in therapy you have probably noticed that your therapist asked a lot of vague, open-ended questions. This is so characteristic of therapy, in fact, that it has become a source of humor in pop culture. Bob Newhart's question "How did that make you feel?" has become a standard way to lampoon therapy. A recent episode of Mad About You featured a female marriage counselor who was a bundle of therapy cliches. Rather than answer Paul and Jamie's questions she always turned it back on them.
Why are therapists like this? Is there really some value in being vague and evasive?
Most therapists are trained to ask open-ended questions. This is a way to allow the client to talk about whatever is important to them, and to encourage them to share important material. Consider the following sentences:
1. Did you have a good relationship with your parents?
2. Tell me about your relationship with your parents.
The material covered is identical, but the likely answers are very different. Number one is a closed-ended question. The expected reply is "yes" or "no." If a therapist asks that question and gets one of those answers, then the ball is back in the therapist's court to encourage a fuller response. A client may chose to say more, but often they do not.
Number two already encourages the client to explore the issue. A therapist gets more information this way, and the session seems less like an interrogation.
There is another important difference between these two sentences. Number one is a leading question. It suggests - at least mildly - that the client had a good relationship with his or her father. This is not a particularly troubling example of a leading question. Consider a question like "Did your father sexually abuse you?". This is not merely a closed-ended question, but a question which introduces an idea into the client's consciousness. Therapists generally avoid asking questions like this.
This principle can be used by anyone trying to get a conversation going. If you are talking with someone who you don't know very well, ask them open-ended questions. If you think of a "yes or no" question, see if you can change it into a more open-ended version. Ask the open-ended version. You've given the other person the opportunity to talk for a while, and the conversation is moving.
